yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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