my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
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If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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