Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
