What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
