Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
