I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
