she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
pop tarts are not kleenex
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
