weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
