mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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