Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize