I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
