So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
