I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
