Do you still have your period?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and she was petting her beer can
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
