god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
