doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
