Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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