im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
