I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
