okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
