based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
