The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
are you so shy because you have an std?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
