my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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