And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
