It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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