I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
