There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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