I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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