All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
