Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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