No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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