I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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