I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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