She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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