Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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