He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
