people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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