i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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