There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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