Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
