So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize