no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
