this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
