Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
