kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
