its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
