Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
