i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
