I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
