you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
