dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
