I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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