haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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