Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
whose parrot is this?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
