I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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