Did you just see the Batmobile???
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
