my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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