Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
no, he came in my armpit
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
