glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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