i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
