So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
