so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm like, not good at living.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
