And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
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Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"