Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..