i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
