Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
