Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
