everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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