I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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