So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
