not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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