you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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