Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
