epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
