so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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