dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
