1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
